So my father calls me this morning to ask if my 24 yr old brother is with me. Mofo what? Now my brother lives like 1.5 hrs away from me and is working this summer, so why would he be with me. Evidently my parents haven’t seen his car and were now worried. So I call this boy and text him a few times, no response. Now I start worrying. And I worry a lot in general about the people I love more than I’d like to admit…. So the fact that this boy was not answering, had my mind going in a thousand directions. Like he might not pick up with my parents, fine, but he doesn’t ignore my calls. He could text me on some ” I’m fucking right now” and granted the image would disturb me a bit, but cool, do you - have fun with that. But for the thirty minutes it took for him to respond, my heart was in my mouth. I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, which quickly resolved itself with his text replying to say that he was working in court today.
Now if this is how I react to a grown 24 year old man, what on God’s earth am I going to do with my own kids. I sometimes hear folks say having kids, is like giving birth to your heart and letting it walk around in public. If that is the case, I’m fucked! I can’t handle the stress of knowing that in one instance, with one phone call, your life can turn upside down. I don’t know man…that shit might not be for me.